You only have to take a glance at Facebook, Instagram or TikTok to see images of people desperately aspiring to be someone else’s idea of perfect. Sometimes this can be seen in that very odd pout that women in particular seem to adopt and at others it can be a more general suggestion of a seemingly “perfect” life. Poses in the new outfit you have just bought, images of the “perfect” family life or a photo in the driving seat of the most incredible car.

When I was growing up one of the ideals which was pushed most forcefully was the need for us all to be thin. Almost all images of women in magazines portrayed bodies which were a size ten or less. Young girls would frequently starve themselves in a bid to look more like the image the magazines were suggesting was the ‘ideal’ one. Although we have moved on from this to some extent, people of all ages are still obsessed with attaining some kind of ideal body shape that has been decided by someone else and is very rarely at all representative of their own.

One of the most liberating lessons I have learned during my work in mental health has been the message of letting go of emulating the ideals put forward by the media.

A favourite workshop of mine is one in which I encourage people to think about what, in their opinion, is the best version of themselves. In thinking about your own personal priorities, the good decisions you have made in the past and everything you have already achieved, you will start to get a glimpse of what the best version of you actually looks like.

Ask yourself the question – when I am at my best, what does that look like? How do I feel in myself? What do others notice about me? How do I act – how do I carry myself and how do I choose to spend my time? What are the things that the best version of myself is both able and proud to achieve?

I have often found that in asking these questions, people start to remember just how many strengths and resources they have inside them – and what could be achieved if they brought them to the fore.

There are so many things that make us different from each other including age, gender, upbringing, cultural background, the opportunities we have had (or been without) and general life experience. It seems odd, then that we still spend so much time trying to fit into a one-size-fits-all box created by someone else. Someone who usually has nothing in common with us at all.

If, for just a moment, you put all those ideals aside and ask yourself the question – what am I like when I am the very best version of myself? – it is at this point you might start to find out about your own true potential. I have sometimes found that in just having this conversation with a client it has led to a lightbulb moment in which they suddenly realise what they are capable of, what they really want to be doing and how to start achieving their own personal aims and ambitions.

It doesn’t matter what age you are or what situation you are in – there is a version of yourself that is able to achieve all sorts of things. More importantly these will be things that matter most to you. You might be living that exact life right now – or you might be some way off from it. Either way it is always useful to ask the question. Because by doing that you have already taken the first step towards becoming the version of yourself that you truly want to be.